|Picture from my wedding day, after my date of conversion to Islam, its the happiest day of my life|
Anyway a few years after Uni I met this Muslim man and we fell in love. He introduced me to Islam but I made it quite clear I would never leave Catholicism !! Over time our relationship disintegrated because of constant clashing opinions about religion and where I actually had respected his religion in the start, I grew to hate it. I actually hated Islam. We used to engage in constant debate and arguing over whose religion was 'right'.
In the end we separated, and I had a terrible bitterness and a real hatred for Islam. After we had broken up I decided to prove to myself that I had been right all along and decided to do some Bible study to find all the answers to the questions and points in our debates that I had been unable to answer. I suppose a niggling doubt had set in and I wanted to reassure myself that I was right all along. I had read the Bible multiple times already but was really focusing in on it this time. I also started to compare it with the Catholic Catechism which is the rule of the church.
As I read them, I began to realise how false a lot of things I had believed were. I began to study the history of the Bible and was totally shocked to see how many versions there were and how some translated things radically different to others , to the point where 'son of God' didn't appear at all in particular versions. I was shocked to find things like 'purgatory' were completely man made ideas. I felt like the rug had really been pulled from underneath me and a new sight had been granted to me. Suddenly I could see how I had swallowed everything I'd been taught without ever questioning or truly studying it. I had believed on a faith based on ....what?? Mostly unsupportable teachings by teachers, priests and my parents. At that point I told my mother I no longer believed Jesus pbuh was the son of God and she was very disappointed and I think hurt too that all her teaching me over the years had come to no fruition. At this point I still didn't like Islam.
I started to examine my own feelings towards it and once I had separated them from my feelings for my ex boyfriend, I realised that while I thought Islam was an oppressive religion (still!!) , I liked that it brought God into a persons life more fully , I liked the 5 times a day prayers, and the fasting and the charity and its teachings on Mary pbuh and Jesus pbuh and the similarities to Christianity. At this point I decided to read the Quran for myself having only ever briefly glanced at a bad translation from an English reverend with references to 'infidel' all over it. I bought a copy translated by a Muslim, to see what it really was all about.
I got through about 3 Surahs before I reverted. Its beauty, its truth and its gentleness overwhelmed me and a huge love for Islam washed over me. Alhamdulillah that Allah swt allowed me onto this path and opened my eyes. La hawla wala kuwata illah billah. Only God can turn a heart of hate to a heart of love. I realised how Islam had given rights to women for centuries where modern societies had granted them no sooner than 50 years ago in some cases.
However I was afraid of converting. I was afraid because I knew it was the truth and I couldn't deny it but I was scared about what this would mean for my life. I knew that I had to act on the truth but was disappointed to let go of my social life, drinking, wearing the clothes I loved, and the thoughts of hijab scared me. As did the impending reaction of my family. I realised that no matter what my own feelings were, I had to do my duty to Allah swt and I told my family and friends and my life changed overnight. I reverted, saying the shahada on 12th February 2007 alone in my bedroom while reading Quran. After just a few weeks I was dying to wear hijab and started a day here and a day there until finally biting the bullet and walking into my work one day completely covered in hijab. What a shock on their faces!
It was difficult for most people to accept at first and I was terribly lonely for almost a full year afterward but I just studied Islam and prayed for it to change. I had met a lovely Muslim man on the internet a few weeks after I reverted, and we talked on & off for that year about Islam before starting to become more serious. He was the only Muslim I knew so I loved to listen to him tell me what the khutbah had been in his local mosque and and what the sheikh there had been teaching. 2 years after that we got married with both our families and friends in attendance and Alhamdulillah we are married nearly 2 years now and we are so happy together, I love him to bits and he has shown me the real Islam of love and tenderness.
Allah swt has been so good to me. My mother and I now love to talk long into the night about our different religions and finding the similarities between them. She told me once that she is happy so long as I have God in my life. And the day she bought me her first scarf as a gift was a very special one for me. My father and sisters support me too and that means the world to me.
So that is how I came to Islam and inshaAllah I hope this has been interesting :)
InshaAllah keep me in your dua, I can never get enough dua, I'm greedy for them :D