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Thursday, 4 August 2011

Marriage pressure & iPoet/Baba Ali conference


Assalaamu alaikum all!

Today I wanted to tell you a little bit about the iPoet finding halal love this summer conference. So we've all know someone or have heard stories of Muslim girls being pressured to marry someone from back home to bring them into the country and stuff right? I'm sure you have. Well it's a really sad but quite prevalent in a lot of cultures.

Most Muslim parents know that forced marriages are not accepted in Islam so they go about getting their son/daughter to marry someone that they want in other ways such as emotional and psychological pressure. This year alone I've heard stories of girls that I personally know (and are younger than me) being pressured to marry cousins from back home, who are not very practicing. One of these pressurised marriages ended up resulting in a girl running away from home a week before her wedding. There are many similar stories of girls putting up with a not practicing Muslim guy who is not someone she wants to marry but gives into the pressure from her parents.

‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).

It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).

SubhanAllah these hadeeth's shows that a woman has a say in who she marrys.

The pressure (although more uncommon) is also there for brothers aswell on this issue Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone he does not want. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen (i.e., Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Neither of the parents has the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses then he is not sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the right to force him to eat food he finds off-putting when there is food that he wants to eat, and marriage is like that and more so. Food that one is forced to eat is unpleasant for a short while, but a forced marriage lasts for a long time, and it harms a person and he cannot leave it. End quote.

Emotional and psychological pressures come in the form of parents cursing their daughter for not agreeing to marry her cousin (true story, happened to a friend), please remember that Allah does not accept a sinful dua as you are not doing them any wrong by not agreeing to marry someone whome you don't want to.

But what do we do about it? How do brothers & sisters cope with this pressure & deal with their parents?

The conference by iPoet & Baba Ali will cover this issue as well as:

How to find your Dream Spouse the Halal Way

How to keep super patient with culture minded parents
How to avoid the fitna of Freemixing during the Summer on Facebook and Offline
Your Exclusive Q/A Session with Baba Ali - What Marriage Questions do YOU Really need Answered?

The conference is aking place Saturday 20th August, 4-6pm UK time for more info & to register please follow this link www.ipoetconference.com

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